xuan!! i remembered his name!! it's jeremy, or jem as you so call him. gosh, i'm becoming really, really forgetful! haha.

at home, i didn't go to school today. i am REALLY sick ok! for those who think otherwise! i'm having fever, tho i feel much better now. haha. and my mom said that she would give me today off, with no pressure, whatsoever. so, it's cool. anyways, my hyperness is coming back, so yeah, it should be working right? haha. oh yah. i'm so sorry i can't be at the netball match today! i really am. anyways, tell me how it goes. yeah?

was talking to my aunt yesterday night. she really made me look at things at a different point of view. i told her some stuffs, but ya know, others like bout my family, she knows nothing about. it felt really great just sharing with another family member, ya know. tried talking to my mother too. but without my father around of course. but, didn't tell her anything solid. guessed i chickened out. but who can blame me? it's hard.

my aunt taught me some stuff. on how to deal with my problems. it's called Compartmentalization

. haha. a very long long word. haha. she said that i had a lot on my plate. and i just kept piling them up. running away. i guess in some ways, it is true. but, ya know, sometimes, it's easier just to not care. it is. but, i know, it is definitely a bad way to deal with stuff. she gave hilarious examples. such as the balls theory. please, i know some of you are definitely thinking dirrty. but, please, don't think too much. the thing is, my aunty actually agreed with me on some stuff. and ya know what. you guys have my blessing. if you want to get together, just do. gosh. i really can't be bothered. not anymore anyways. anyway, i'mgiving myself 3 days to settle everything, cause, it's really dragging me down. hmms, so during this few days, if i act coldly to any of you guys, please don't hold it against me, kay? i will just be settling this stuff with my family. i don't need your help. cause, some of these problems started with everyone's busybodiedness. so, yeah. it should stop. so, when everything is settled, hopefully before good friday, i should be back to my same old self. yeah.

LORD,

i'm in awe at the wonder of You.

i'm amazed to have a father like You.

thy faithfulness overwhelms me.

even when i'm standing in the shadow of doubt,

you are always there,

by my side,

embracing me, comforting me.

everytime i need You,

You are always there.

LORD,

i want to thank you.

for everything You have done for me,

i really appreciate it.

but,

i do feel ashamed.

ashamed that i can have my doubts in you,

while you are always there for me.

and,

i'm sorry.

hugs and kisses,

manda.

p.s. i think i actually did love you.